Every day I wake up and wish I hadn't.
Strong statement, but it is 100% true.
Let me be perfectly clear, I am NOT suicidal, but I am in pain. Constant pain.
While I would love to tell you this is something that I only think on bad pain days, the simple fact of the matter is that, for me, (and others with chronic illness), the pain and long list of symptoms do not go away. Instead, those symptoms are constantly present reminding me, that I do have a chronic illness.
And, it is just exhausting. It's exhausting to fight your own body everyday to do simple tasks, including just to get out of bed. I often make deals with myself to get me through tasks that would be nothing to a healthier person..."Okay, if I get up and take the shower I desperately need, then I can lay back down and sleep for a couple hours." While the physical symptoms are exhausting, the mental and emotional side effects aren't any easier.While the physical symptoms of chronic illness are extremely hard to deal with, the emotional and mental effects chronic illness has on a person are just as hard, and some days worse than the physical symptoms. You begin to wonder things that people don't usually question. Am I a burden on my family? What happens when my family isn't here to help me out anymore? What more can my chronic illness do to me?
Those questions seem silly, maybe even a little out there. But I can tell you from experience, these questions and many others invade the thoughts of people with chronic illness frequently because every moment of their day revolves around their chronic illness. On top of that, while chronic illness can drastically affect a person's physical life, sometimes these questions and other thoughts can be even more detrimental to someone than some of the symptoms of the chronic illness itself.
So, while I wake up every day and wish I hadn't, I still fight back. Every single person with chronic illness does. That's why we are called Warriors.
