Sorry it has been so long since I have written. I am currently back at school. I have still had some days where I either do not make it to campus at all and other days where I make it to campus but end up going back home. I still do not eat that much. I weigh myself everyday and I fluctuate between 114 and 120. Today, I am 114.5. It is kind of scary how much weight I have lost since I actually had the surgery. But at the same time I eat one meal, maybe two. . .and that is on a good day. I can sometimes go a whole day before realizing that I have not eaten. I am just not hungry at all. End of story.
I have been allowed to go back to activity. I am walking up to six miles every day and running about 1.5. Running still gets to me, I am not exactly sure why. I am back to dancing on the Stephens Dance Team. Which is just the most fun I have had in quite a long time. In the dance we are practicing for the last basketball game, I grab my leg, pull it to my head and do a turn. It is an amazing feeling to be able to do that again. Granted, I get really unbelievably sore after every practice because I am using all these muscles that I have not been able to use since before surgery. But it is an amazing feeling to be able to do it again. My first performance was Saturday, February 12 and the night before I had this nightmare that had my incision ripping open when I was performing at the basketball game. It sounds gross, but the nightmare had me up the rest of the night wondering how everything was going to go. So when it actually came time to perform, I was really nervous but being able to do it again was a fantastic feeling.
It is still depressing when it comes to dealing with activities that were planned last semester when I was missing so many classes, and I still get some sort of special treatment with all my classes and activities. While the "special treatment" helps me a little bit when it comes to classes, it isn't what I want. I just wish everything could go back to normal. I am still dealing with "depression" type issues. When I get dressed in the morning, I find myself crying just seeing the scar. Or when everyone starts looking for swimsuits and I still just have to look for one pieces so that my scar does not show in the sunlight. It is one of those things that I am glad everything has gotten figured out and hopefully fixed, but at the same time, it is sad when I am missing things that I would normally do. But you know, take what you can get and if I do not have to have pain for the rest of my life, then I just have to keep telling myself the scar is the little price I have to pay to live a pain free life.
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