Hello,
As I write to you so early in the morning, I realize how much has happened in less than 6 months. It is absolutely unbelievable. When I started college in August 2007, I never expected that I would end my four years at Stephens being a post-surgical patient and still going through all the medical tests I went through at the beginning of my freshman year.
I have been experiencing a lot of pain lately. I have been taking more pain pills now than I ever have since my surgery. I went to my physician yesterday and he told me my pain pills and nausea pills are part of my problem and that I needed to start drinking metamucil to act as an anti-med to prevent the side-effects of my pain and nausea medicines. He also went ahead and scheduled me to have another 3D CT Scan because I am in so much pain. He wants to make sure I do not have more scar tissue forming near the celiac artery again. He said this would only happen if my surgeon did not get all the scar tissue in the first place. I do not really think he feels like this is totally possible, but he is just wanting to double check everything before it is dismissed like it had been for the past three years. . .
I have also been pretty depressed. I cry at the smallest things and go through mood swings like no one could imagine. I got prescribed anti-depression meds yesterday as well. I go from times when I am totally fine and within minutes I could be crying hysterically if something doesn't go as planned. Last weekend, I was told we would most likely not be going to the St. Patrick's Day parade and I cried for an hour. I was so upset. I think the majority of the reason is because I am still known around campus as the girl who had surgery. Stephens is NOT a big school. There are a little less than 700 students on campus, so word gets around pretty quickly. My sorority sisters still are wary of inviting me out on the weekends or to do anything else for that matter. So I am still thought of as being sick. Especially since I still miss some classes and go to the doctors more often than a normal 21 year old would. I mean even this week, I went to the doctor yesterday and immediately had x-rays and by the end of my appointment I was scheduled for a CT Scan. So tomorrow, I am getting up early to go get another CT Scan, since I am doing this I had to make my professors aware and some of my friends to remind them to get the class handouts or to ask them for the class notes. Like I have said in some of my other blog entries, the recovery process is hard and I knew it would be. I just considered the physical recovery process to be hard, I never realized how much of a toll it would take on me emotionally. I have trouble doing everyday tasks without crying. Which is why I was put on the meds yesterday. My doctor wanted his new nurses to hear my story so they would be aware of what I have been through and just hearing him talk about everything that has happened, made me cry for the next 10 minutes. He made jokes and said it is like every other visit I have had to his office (because I hate needles and usually I have had to get blood drawn.) haha.
Writing in this blog helps me express how I have been feeling for the past 6 months...or for that matter since all of this began. It is an intense process for anyone to have to go through and I am just glad that I have found an outlet for me to be able to express myself and get it all out in the open...no matter how embarassing it may be.
Thanks for following...
I will update more once my CT Scan results are back. Pray for good news!
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